


mirror of yourself

by spheeris1



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Angst, Gen, mentions of alcohol and drug use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-29
Updated: 2014-04-29
Packaged: 2018-01-21 07:00:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1541807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spheeris1/pseuds/spheeris1
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>drabble :: Alison POV :: season one + season two :: "Alison watches her life as it descends into the horribly familiar."</p>
            </blockquote>





	mirror of yourself

/ /

It doesn't hit you until you are too far gone, until the light of the day slides from your eyes and all that is left is this mirror of yourself...

...but you've been seeing double for a long time now, isn't that right?

/ /

She watches her parents marriage fall apart in a silent sort of way; the cracks become painfully clear whenever she looks for too long, but they all agree to cover them up during church or at Sunday barbecues.

Her mother's spit smeared over the cheek, getting rid of some kind of stain that only a mother can see, and Alison wonders just how much of her life will get wiped away by stern fingers, by judgments that are not voiced only coldly shown, by people desperate to cover up their mistakes

First it is a smudge of dirt or too much rouge.  
Next it'll be hot kisses before marriage or wants considered too wicked.

She watches her parents marriage fall apart, watches the cracks turn into chasms, watches as knuckles turn white with the holding on to all that is slipping away.

First it is Donnie and then it is children.  
Next it'll be... it'll be...

Alison watches her life as it descends into the horribly familiar.

/ /

And it doesn't hit you until you are too far gone, until the nighttime folds over you like a shadow and all that is left is this mirror of yourself...

...but you've been looking at this reflection for a long time now, isn't that right?

/ /

Beth Childs leans tiredly against the door frame, slightly drunk or perhaps riding the wave of something stronger, and Alison wants to scream at the woman; wants to scream at her to wake up and to stop being reckless and to be strong.

_Be strong so I can rely on you. Be strong so I can turn to you. Be strong so I can stand all of this._

But she watches Beth fall apart in a silent sort of way and the cracks become painfully clear, held fast in that troubled gaze, and there isn't a bottle deep enough for this madness, there aren't enough pills to take to make this situation go away, there is no way to spit-shine this reality anymore.

First it is a face just like her own.  
Next it is a whole world of lies.

She watches Beth fall apart, watches the cracks turn into chasms, watches as the one person she trusted to hold it together begins to slip away.

First it is Beth and next it'll be...  
...it'll be...

Alison watches her life as it descends, as it splits into fragments, as it falls apart.

/ /

It doesn't hit you until you are too far gone, though. It doesn't hit you until you are completely alone, glass loose in your hand and medication burning your tongue.

All that is left is this mirror of yourself – in a mother's stare, in a husband's deceit, in a friend's death...

...but you've been seeing everything all along, isn't that right?

/ /

**(end)**

**Author's Note:**

> Listened to 'Hey Jupiter' by Tori Amos way too many times in order to write this. Plus I love Alison.


End file.
